My Inner Self Healing

Feeling “not good enough” is an emotion that resonates with many of us. It’s a quiet, nagging voice that can undermine our confidence and hold us back from reaching our full potential. To explore this feeling more deeply, let’s look at a poem I wrote that outlines the essence of this struggle:

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Distrusting Herself

She heartfully offers her compliments,
Gracefully accepts them most times,
But… maybe they were just being polite,
Or maybe she didn’t hear it right.

She has fought the strangest of ills,
Recovered from such horrible feels,
Been given the most courageous acclaims,
But gutless scared would be more of an appropriate fame.

She can inspire the lost,
Be inspired by most,
Yet when she looks within,
Blank pages are all that’s seen.

Spreading love to others comes naturally,
Being kind so automatically,
Acceptance of these makes her ponder,
Does she really deserve this, she wonders?

And as she writes this, she knows she is not alone,
For others, there seem to be many a clone.
Self-love, self-care, and self-kindness may be rare within,
But surely if we practice this, we are in for a win?

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The poem encapsulates the internal struggle many of us face. Despite receiving compliments and recognition, there’s an underlying doubt about their sincerity. Even after overcoming significant challenges and inspiring others, there’s a persistent feeling of inadequacy. This sense of self-doubt and the inability to internalize positive feedback is a common experience.

Why Do We Feel Not Good Enough?

1. Comparison to Others: Social media and societal standards often push us to compare ourselves with others, leading to feelings of inadequacy. We often see the best versions of everyone else and wonder why our lives are not the same.
2. High Expectations: Perfectionism and setting unrealistic goals can result in chronic dissatisfaction and self-doubt. We don’t want to submit that proposal or raise our hands. We think we have to iron out every single detail.
3. Past Experiences: Negative feedback or traumatic experiences from the past can leave lasting impacts, making it hard to feel adequate. One person could have given you a critique and now you think everyone else thinks the same.
4. Internalized Beliefs: Deep-seated negative beliefs about oneself, often formed in childhood, can shape our self-worth. We become our worst own enemies.

Strategies to Overcome These Feelings

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings

Recognizing and accepting that feeling not good enough is a common experience is the first step towards overcoming it. Understand that these feelings do not define your worth or capabilities. A good journal prompt I’d suggest is writing down as many of your experiences you have where you felt this was the case.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Once you have identified them, challenge the negative thoughts that contribute to your feelings of inadequacy. Turn the negative thought into a positive or neutral one. For instance, change “I always fail” to “I have learned from my mistakes and am improving.”

3. Celebrate Your Achievements

Reflect on your achievements and give yourself credit for your successes, no matter how small. Keeping a journal of your accomplishments can help reinforce a positive self-image. Remember, growing from an experience is a huge achievement.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Recognize that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. Practicing self-compassion can help you build a more positive relationship with yourself.

5. Limit Comparisons

Focus on your own journey and progress rather than comparing yourself to others. Remember that everyone’s path is unique, and comparing yourself to others is often an unfair and inaccurate measure of your worth.

6. Develop a Growth Mindset

Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth rather than as threats to your self-worth. A growth mindset encourages learning and resilience, which can diminish feelings of inadequacy.

7. Create a Supportive Environment

Surround yourself with positive influences and supportive people who uplift you. A nurturing environment can help reinforce your self-worth and provide encouragement when you need it.

8. Regularly Practice Gratitude

Focusing on what you are grateful for can shift your perspective from what you lack to what you have. This can create a more positive outlook and reduce feelings of inadequacy.

The Role of a Life Coach in Building Self-Worth

A life coach can be instrumental in helping you navigate feelings of inadequacy. Through personalized guidance and support, a life coach can help you:

1. Set Realistic Goals: Work with you to set achievable goals that foster a sense of accomplishment and self-worth.
2. Identify Strengths: Help you recognize and build on your strengths, providing a clearer understanding of your capabilities.
3. Develop Strategies: Provide strategies to challenge negative thoughts and reinforce positive thinking.
4. Accountability: Hold you accountable for taking steps towards personal growth and overcoming self-doubt.
5. Supportive Environment: Offer a safe and supportive space to discuss your feelings and receive constructive feedback.

Conclusion

Feeling not good enough is a common and challenging experience, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. The poem “Distrusting Yourself” highlights the inner struggle many of us face, yet it also offers hope. By acknowledging these feelings, challenging negative thoughts, and practicing self-compassion, you can start to overcome the sense of inadequacy and build a more confident, fulfilling life.

Remember, self-love, self-care, and self-kindness are not just buzzwords; they are essential practices for personal growth and well-being. With time and effort, and perhaps with the guidance of a life coach, you can learn to trust yourself and recognize your true worth.

Your you are good enough supporter,
Amisha