My Inner Self Healing

Discover how self-love isn’t about becoming someone new, but learning to stop abandoning yourself and find lasting inner peace.

I Didn’t Know What Loving Myself Looked Like

I used to think self-love meant bubble baths, positive affirmations, and learning to feel confident.

It wasn’t.

Self-love turned out to be something much quieter. It was learning to stop abandoning myself.

Nobody teaches you what that looks like when you’ve spent most of your life believing your needs come last. We hear phrases like “love yourself first” or “put yourself first,” but what if no one ever showed you how? What if choosing yourself felt uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or even selfish?

That was my story.

The first thing I realised was that I had absolutely no idea what loving myself looked like. Loving other people? I knew exactly how to do that. In fact, I had become exceptionally good at it.

I knew how to listen, support, encourage, compromise, and put other people’s needs ahead of my own. If someone I loved needed me, I would find a way. But when it came to offering that same care to myself, I hesitated.

Somewhere along the way, I had learned that caring for myself came at the expense of caring for others.

I grew up in a community where girls were often the last in line for almost everything. We were taught to be accommodating, obedient, and to keep the peace. Advocating for my own needs didn’t feel empowering. It felt selfish.

The guilt that followed any attempt to choose myself was overwhelming. Looking back now, I realise I had confused self-sacrifice with love. Healing didn’t begin when I found all the answers.

It began when I started asking different questions. Instead of automatically saying yes, I began asking myself:

“Is what I’m about to do coming from an authentic place… or am I doing it out of duty?”

That one question changed more than I ever expected.

The smallest word became my biggest lesson.

No.

For years, “no” lived somewhere deep inside me, too afraid to come out. I would say,
“It’s okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“Don’t worry about me.”

Even when none of those things were true.

Ironically, if a friend had come to me with the same struggles, I would have told them, “Stand up for yourself. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.”

So why was it so difficult to take my own advice? Because saying no wasn’t just changing my behaviour. It was challenging years of conditioning.

The first few times I said no, I replayed the conversation in my head for hours. As an overthinker, I questioned whether I’d been too harsh, too selfish, or too unreasonable.

Then something unexpected happened… the world didn’t fall apart. People adjusted. And with every uncomfortable “no,” my confidence quietly whispered, “See? You survived.”

I realised that every “no” I said to something that drained me became a quiet “yes” to myself.

Rest Is Not Something I Have to Earn

One of the biggest shifts in my healing journey came from something we rarely talk about.

Rest.

Living with an autoimmune condition meant I often pushed myself beyond my limits because I didn’t want anyone to think I was lazy or unreliable. If I needed to cancel plans or take time to recover, I felt compelled to explain myself.

I became very good at making excuses. Not because I owed anyone one, but because guilt had convinced me that my worth depended on how much I could do.

Today, I simply say, “I need to rest.”

That sentence once felt impossible. Now it feels like self-respect. Rest is no longer something I have to earn. It is something I honour because my body deserves care, not punishment.

I Stopped Explaining My Existence

There was another moment that made me realise I was no longer reacting like the old version of myself.

As children, if someone asked why we did something, the answer could simply be:

“Because.”
Or,
“Because I want to.”

That was enough.

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, many of us begin believing every decision needs defending. Every boundary requires a detailed explanation.

Every “no” deserves a paragraph.

Every choice must be justified.

I spent years believing I had to prove that my needs were valid before I was allowed to honour them.

Now I’ve learned something beautifully freeing. Not every decision requires permission. Not every boundary requires understanding. And not everyone has to agree with my choices for them to be right for me.

Returning to the Woman I Was Always Meant to Be

If my younger self could see the way I treat myself today, she probably wouldn’t believe it.

• I no longer seek permission to rest.
• Being alone doesn’t scare me.
• Silence feels peaceful instead of lonely.
• I trust myself more than other people’s opinions.
• I no longer believe my worth depends on how much I give.

For so long, I believed my life would always look the way it did. I thought this was simply who I was. Yet somewhere inside me was a quiet feeling that there had to be more to life than surviving it.

I was right. But the “more” I was searching for wasn’t somewhere out in the world.
It was waiting inside me.

One of the greatest misconceptions about healing is that it asks you to become someone new.

My experience has been the opposite.

Loving Myself Was Never About Becoming Someone Else

Healing wasn’t about finding a better version of myself.

It wasn’t about following every trend, discovering the perfect morning routine, or searching endlessly for something outside of me that would finally make me feel whole.

It was about abandoning myself less.

• It was sitting with the hard questions instead of distracting myself from them.
• Allowing difficult emotions to exist instead of rushing to silence them.
• Forgiving myself for the ways I had learned to survive.
• Keeping the promises I made to myself.
• Speaking to myself with more compassion than criticism.
• Celebrating progress instead of chasing perfection.
• Choosing relationships where I no longer had to earn love.
• Caring for my body because it is my home.
• Creating moments of joy without believing I first had to deserve them.

They became evidence. Evidence that, little by little, I was finding my way back home to myself.

Coming Home to Myself

These days, I don’t ask myself, “Do I love myself enough?”
I ask a different question. “Did I abandon myself today?”

Because I’ve learned that self-love:

• Isn’t measured by how confident you feel.
• Isn’t found in perfect routines or flawless mornings.
• Isn’t something you achieve once and keep forever.

It’s built in the quiet, ordinary moments when you choose to stay with yourself.

When you honour your limits.

When you speak kindly to yourself after making a mistake.

When you allow yourself to rest without guilt.

When you say no without apologising for existing.

When you trust that your needs matter too.

After years of searching for peace everywhere else, I discovered something unexpected. Coming home to myself has become the safest place I’ve ever known. And that’s a feeling no one else can give you.

Perhaps that’s what self-love has been all along. Not becoming someone different. Simply choosing, day after day, to never leave yourself behind.

Reflection

Before you continue with your day, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

Where have I been abandoning myself lately?

• Maybe it’s saying yes when you mean no.
• Maybe it’s pushing through exhaustion.
• Maybe it’s silencing your own needs to keep everyone else comfortable.

Self-love doesn’t begin with changing who you are. It begins with choosing not to leave yourself behind.

Until next time… keep coming home to yourself.

With warmth,
Amisha