My Inner Self Healing

Disappointment

Some would call it a lapse in judgement, some might even call it a mental breakdown.. I on the other hand call it a moment of pure clarity. Heartbreak, self-sacrifice and most notably determining myself worth on the acceptance of others, on the image the world held of me. Yes I reached a breaking point, at the time I thought it was because I was noble, righteous, honourable and although I may be those things I was not that to myself and that led to depression, self-deprecation and an unhealthy relationship with myself.

You see, days, weeks maybe months before that moment, I can’t recall anymore how long it had been for it is now thankfully a distant memory, I had gone through some of the roughest moments in my life, and in the whirlwind of life I had lost focus on the things that I could be proud of and instead went down a dark tunnel of failures, or rather what I assumed at the time, to be failures. When in actual fact they were strengths and lessons. I had masked my deep set pain through physical activity and when I had my accident and could no longer get my “fix” of endorphins through said physical activity, I quickly spiralled out of control, not physically but instead mentally.    

Self

By Bruce Wyne

As I stare down the bottom of another empty bottle
The memories of yester plague my mind,
Consumed by revelations of the things I blundered,
Regret wells as my tears fall,
Struggling for air, I’m drowning in self-deprecation,
My only light the hope this will all end as I fade into darkness

A disappointment to my future self,
My future self, an uncertain notion…
A disgrace to my future self for I never became the man I set out to be…
The despair becomes my only companion,
Falsely comforting me in the lies that I am stronger than this…
Living life in the fast lane trying to outrun the disgust,
The failed potential I see in the mirror…
Remember me not for who I am, but rather for who I could have been…
For who I am is no legacy to revere.

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