My Inner Self Healing

Postpartum Depression

After having a fairly easy pregnancy, I was not prepared for the wave of emotions that hit me the day my son was born. I fully expected to feel that absolute rush of euphoria and love that new mothers speak of and that my mother was so vocal about. But what I was met with instead was overwhelming anxiety, fear and helplessness. And my entire being went into survival mode.

Dealing with postpartum depression (PPD), while not understanding that you are going through it, is crippling. I was fortunate enough to have the support and love of those around me, and I managed come out ok on the other side. However the effects of PPD and dealing with it for over a year, has forever changed the fabric of who I am. This poem touches on the feelings I experienced while I slowly and painfully tried to fight my way through and emerge from the fog of PPD.

Lost for a Moment

by Samantha Matthew Gopal

I lost It by chance one day, It fell down some unseen crack
And now I search and cannot find…only shadows staring back
I lost It by chance that day and didn’t even know that It had gone
And now I listen and cannot hear… just whispers of an unfinished song

I traced my steps back, one by one with the utmost care
Hoping to find It, stopping, in pure desperation,
I stare I check everywhere, in every possible space
Praying for some glimmer, of a long-forgotten face

I fall to the ground, as it all seems to come crashing down
Aching for some fresh air, I curl up on the ground
I hear them calling, so I quickly stand and pull myself from this hole
Faking a smile as I turn to them, saying goodbye to a piece of my soul.

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